Danielas' Autobiographical Event

                     Moving to Alpine!                                           

        Daniela

Have you ever moved to a different city before?

I felt scared, sad, and happy. I thought the kids would be mean to me at school. I thought my friends would cry because I left. And I thought glad because I was going to have my own room.

I was nervous because I wouldn't know anyone, and scared of animals that live in the wild. And meet new people.

           

My dad was driving all the way to alpine.

I saw many beautiful tress and the colorful birds were flying around everywhere. I saw some very big bunny hoping all over the place. Seeing beautiful flowers filed the open land It made me feel scared, nervous, and sad. I thought the kids were going to be meaning to me. They would look at me weird when I sat down. I thought of meeting new kids. I didn't say hi to now one until the second day.

And I thought of my old friends being sad when I left the school. I couldn't see my friends, only at face-book. I could only see some of them in face to face.

I heard all lot of things, like birds singing a beautiful song and tree swing back and forth like they were happy when I moved. Birds singing a song about my name and the trees saying hello or saying we could be friends. I felt happy when we put our thing inside of the house. I thought I was happy because I would have my own room, having my own things in place, and hearing my own music every signal day.

Moving things inside and putting them in my room.

I start to put things inside while my dad was cooking rib with BBQ. I could smell the BBQ when I was down grabbing the boxes. I smelled this beautiful, and colorful flowers in the garden I felt excited to leave in alpine. And I thought that my life was going to change. And I thought that it would help me have good grades.

I felt beautiful, rose, and leaves falling on me. And I felt all the animals around me. If it would be like they are saying hi.

I felt this weird feeling like shaking to death. And I thought I would die if I grab one more box.

I tasted BBQ and other kind of food. So juicy in the inside, smoky, and sauces all over my lips.

Running with my dogs. Feeling the air in my hair. Seeing the sun set going down into the mountain.

I feel sad when my old friends weren't there when I had a party. I thought they forgot about me.

Playing chase with my little cousin allover the house. We went to the market to buy more drinks of sodas. And bought some cookies.

I felt tired playing with my dogs. They were running around like crazy! I thought that was going to die when dogs were following me

My dad was driving and seeing all lot of beautiful, colorful animals, hearing birds singing, tasting good food, seeing the sun going down, and playing with my dogs.

I felt tired to stand up. And thought I would never get up because of all of the packing.

I laid on my bed and fall asleep fast. And I was happy to leave in alpine.

Autobiographical Event

Hannah Franklin

Have you ever been to Disneyland with your best friend and stayed for a whole week? Has something ever happened to you and it changed your life? Well, I have! My best friend took me to Disneyland for one whole week! I count that as something that has made a big impact on me! My friend who took me, Caylah, was so excited, and so was I! We couldn’t wait to get there and go on all the rides and see our hotel room. So many things were going on in my mind! Going to Disneyland was such a memorable experience because of the amazing hotel room, all of the exciting rides, and my friend being the one who actually took me!

Going to Disneyland was the most amazing thing! But, another amazing thing was our hotel room! The hotel room was breathtaking! The room was huge; the backboards for the beds were so cool! It was covered with fireworks that would light up and a little song came on! It really was magical. There were two rooms attached and they both were beautiful! One of the rooms belonged to Caylah, her mom, her, brother and I. The other room belonged to her grandma and grandpa. We also had room service it was awesome! This made me feel good. We had her mom and grandparents with us, having an amazing time! Everybody loved the rooms, too. They were neat and the beds were so comfortable. I wish I had that bed! There was a wonderful view! We were almost at the top of the whole hotel so through our big window, we could see the whole resort! There was the biggest pool ever! It also had a big slide. It was so cool! We went into the pool a lot. Everyone was having the most amazing time!

All of this made me feel so overwhelmed, but in a good way. All I was thinking about was how much fun we were going to have! And then I remembered, OMG we are staying for a whole week! “YAY!” Overall, the hotel was one of the most memorable things!

The best thing about going to Disneyland was the rides!!!! Caylah and I had so much fun going on all of the rides! We even went on the kiddy rides.

The most awesome ride was California Screamin’! Caylah and I were so scared but we wanted to go on so bad! But, we didn’t know. The best thing about going to Disneyland was the rides!!!! Caylah and I had so much fun when we got to the front of the line we had to sit in the very front of the cart!! We were so anxious; we thought we would’ve been seated behind somebody! Once we went on the ride we were screaming so much especially when we flipped upside down! Once we got of the ride our hair was so messy but it was so worth it! I think it is the best ride ever!

This made me feel so proud! I thought I would chicken out but I faced my fears and went on the ride. It was so fun and I’m really glad I went on it!

The kiddy rides were fun too, believe it or not! All of the rides like Peter Pan, Snow White, and ones like that, are actually pretty awesome! I love the Peter Pan ride because you hop into a little boat and they lift you up into the stars! It feels like you are really flying! It's beautiful; the stars are so bright and pretty! But, I also love Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin, The Matter Horn, and Thunder Mountain! Space Mountain is also one of my top favorites! These are only a few of the awesome rides!!

This made me feel so excited! Knowing that I was able to go on all of the rides was so awesome! I was so happy, and being with my best friend made everything better! Like before, so many things were going on through my head! Good things!

My favorite part of going was being able to just go with my best friend!

My brother and mom didn’t even come. We only went with Caylah, her mom, and her little brother! It was so fun, though! I did miss my mom, but I was having too much fun to notice! I was just laying down one night thinking, that’s all. I was thinking about a lot of things! Some of the things I was thinking about my mom, waking up to the next day, having fun, and I couldn’t believe I was actually there! Being with my best friend for one whole week was amazing! It was like one huge sleepover! This was so cool! It made me feel so excited and happy! My mind was blank... I didn’t have to think.... as long as we were having fun, nothing mattered!

Going to Disneyland for one week was probably the most fun time in my life! I loved going on all the rides, being with my best friend, and our hotel room! Everything was so amazing! This made me feel so grateful and thankful! I was so happy, and they paid for everything. They are so nice and giving! Once I got home I was so tired but I just had to write a thank you note. I’m so gratified that they took me!!! Going to Disneyland for one week was the best! I had the most wonderful time. It really is the most magical place on Earth! Going with my best friend, Caylah, made everything better! I had the BEST TIME EVER!!!!

Haley;s Essay

Autobiographical Essay

Jacques

Name: Haley Hinkley __________________________________________________________________

PREWRITING

My topic is: When my dog ran away the day before Thanksgiving.

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The sights of the event:

Empty, silent backyard

Watering eyes ____________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

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The sounds of the event: Crying, sobbing

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The smells of the event: my dog’s smell on our pillows and blankets,

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The feelings (touching) of the event: Hugging my family and my dog T-bone

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The tastes of the event: salty tears poring down faces

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My three body paragraphs are about:

1. My mom called me and said there was an emergency, she picked me up from my dad’s house, when i got in the car, my mom told me that my chihuahua named Dulce got out of our yard and ran away.

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2. We were all crying and sad but we had to try to find our dog so we walked and drove all up and down the streets and the cul-de-sacs, calling and yelling her name, hoping she would hear us and come. Then, we drove to Kinko’s and we printed out a lot of flyers. ________________________________________________________________________

3. We went around the neighborhood passing them out, and putting them at every doorstep under the “welcome” mat at every house that we saw. We also looked at many other places. There was a canyon type thing behind our house so we walked down in the canyon and searched and searched and searched, but still nothing, still no sign, still no sign of my chihuahua Dulce. We kept looking, not loosing hope. But we looked and looked for the longest time but unfortunately, we never found her. We had a tasty Thanksgiving but it was hard at the same time.

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(Some examples: the days/moments leading up to the event, the actual event, the impact the event had on you as a person, how the event changed your family or friends, how the event changed the community or world, why the event was important to you)

Thesis sentence: This event was one of the many most memorable events in my life. The loss of my chihuahua Dulce was very sad from my perspective. It was very hard to loose something that I loved. And still love today.

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INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH

Hook: (This pulls the reader into the story. It can be one sentence or a couple of sentences. Use imagery (descriptive words, words that describe the senses) to create a vivid picture of what you are writing about.

Hook(CD): Have you ever lost something when you least excpected it? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your hook). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it? It made me feel very sad and disappointed. My thoughts were changing a lot. Things were just running through my mind left and right.

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Thesis sentence: This event was one of the many most memorable events in my life. The loss of my chihuahua Dulce was very sad from my perspective. It was very hard to loose something that I loved. And still love today. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Body Paragraph One:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

The paragraph is about when my mom picked me up from my dad’s house and and told me that my dog was missing.

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Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

My mother called my dad and said that there was an emergency. ___________________________________

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

She rushed down to Pine Valley in her car and called my dad and told him to tell me that there was an emergercy. When i lefy my dad’s house and got in the car, my mom told me what was wrong and i didn’t belive her. I asked her if she was serious and then i got worried. When i heard that there wasa an emergency, i kind of got a little scared and worried. I felt sad and worried when my mom told me what had happended. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

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(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

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Body Paragraph Two:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

The paragraph is about when we started to look for my missing dog. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

We drove to Kinko’s and bought tons and tons of copys of the flyer.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

On our flyers that we got made, we put missing dog, her name, the date she went missing, a picture of her, and what she looked like. I felt better than before but i was still sad. I had hope and i was hoping that we would find her.

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Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

We looked up and down the coldisacs for her and we looked in a canyons in the back of our house. We still look in other places. But still nothing. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

I felt hopefull when we went looking. We called her name many of times, oping she would hear us and come home. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Body Paragraph Three:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

This paragraph is about when we looked and looked everywhere for my dog but we still couldn’t find her. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

We also looked in a canyon behind our house. We also looked at my grandma’s house because she lives close to us. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

This made me feel sad like before. Our neighboos also helped us look for my missing dog. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

The next day was Thanksgiving, my grandma made us a great dinner. But i was still a little sad because my doggy wasnt with us. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

It was alright but i felt incomplete without my doggy. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH

Reword your Thesis sentence: This event was one of the many most memorable events in my life. The loss of my chihuahua Dulce was very sad from my perspective. It was very hard to loose something that I loved. And still love today. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your thesis). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

This very important event in my life was unforgetable. It was sad and disappointing.

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Concluding Sentence: (Leave the readers absolutely clear on what you wrote about. A last statement about the impact of the event would be effective.)

I will never forget this day. My dog never came back and itr made my family sad.

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Melani's Autobiographical Essay

Melani Tompkins

Mrs. Jacques

11/24/11

Autobiographical Essay

Jacques

Have you ever wanted to experience something you have never done before? Well if you are heading to Maui, Hawaii, you got to take a boat ride to the Molokini crater. I was really looking forward to taking a raft trip to Molokini with my family. But I really didn’t know what to expect. I’ve been snorkeling before, but the water wasn’t very deep, so going snorkeling in the middle of the ocean was going to be a lot different! I felt nervous but was excited to do something different. I knew it was going to be something new, but I was willing to take the chance!

When we got to the area where the boat was, I saw some of the other people that were going to be on the fun trip to Molokini too! The kids looked really thrilled to go on the trip too. Suddenly the captain of the boat, gathered us all together to load onto the raft. Once we were all on the raft, I was so excited to head over to Molokini and start snorkeling, and soon as you know it, we were off to our adventure! The raft was moving so fast, and the wind was rushing through my hair and on our way where we were heading to, we could see some of the other Hawaiian islands in far distance. It felt like I was on a Disneyland or Seaworld ride because the speed of the boat. Seeing some of the other islands from a far, felt like I was sightseeing too.

As we got closer, and closer to the Molokini crater, I started to get butterflies because we were already far from Maui. I started to think, “What if I drown?” “What if a shark comes and eats me?” But I knew I was going to be safe with my dad and all of the other people while snorkeling. Finally we got there. Molokini looked a lot different than I thought it was going to be. It had a shape of a horseshoe and birds relaxed on the top of the crater. Then the boat stopped and the captain told us to jump right when we got all of our snorkel gear on. I kind of felt uncomfortable just jumping into the ocean because it was deep, but once I saw the other people starting to jump right in, I knew it was going to be ok.

I finally jumped into the water, and my eyes opened up really wide, like I was in a whole different world! The water was so blue and clear it was amazing. There were jnhyschool of fish surrounding all around me. It is amazing how there is like a whole new universe underwater. I saw all different colors of fish, sea plants, starfish and much more! I felt like I was in the movie Finding Nemo swimming with all the fish characters. If you thought going to SeaWorld was cool, just wait till you go snorkeling at Molokini. Our time was almost up and it was time to head back on the boat to Maui. I was sad that we couldn’t stay longer but I knew it was time to go back. While going back to Maui on the boat, I knew my Molokini trip was now ending, but I was wrong. Our group of snorkelers spotted something in the distance, and when we go closer to it, we realized they were whales! It was a mama whale and a baby whale, and they were coming up for air right next to our boat. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Not every day you get that close up to whales! Especially since our trip was in April, and most of the whales at this time are already migrating to colder waters, which is Alaska. I was amazed how big they were, and how they swam side by side from each other.

Going to Molokini was one of the most exciting things I did in Hawaii. It’s going to be something I am going to do every time we visit. I felt proud of myself for doing this! I was scared at first but it turned out amazing and something I would do anytime! Don’t ever be scared to try something new, because at the end its something you won’t ever regret! Molokini was a great experience that was filled with adventure. Can’t wait till next time I go back to Maui! Maybe I’ll see a whole family of whales!

Angels Biography

Autobiographical Essay

Jacques

Name:Angel Pantoja

PREWRITING

My topic is: My topic is about crashing on my cousins dirt bike on Thanks giving and breaking my elbow.

The sights of the event:

The two sights that i saw when I was falling of my bike and hitting the floor the other sight that I saw was pitch black all I saw was the sky then my eyes just shut down.

The sounds of the event:

The sound that i heard was my bike shutting down and hearing my arm cracking.

The smells of the event:

The smells that I smell were smelling the inside of my helmet and my sweat.

The feelings (touching) of the event:

My feelings were scared and painful.

The tastes of the event:

I tasted sand in my mouth and a little bit of blood to. My three body paragraphs are about:

1. My first one is gonna be about the Introductory who was there and where it was.

2. My second one is about what I was doing riding my dirt bike and how I fell and broke my arm.

3.My third one is about what happen after I broke my arm and what they did to me to fix my arm and my big scrape on the side of my stomach.

(Some examples: the days/moments leading up to the event, the actual event, the impact the event had on you as a person, how the event changed your family or friends, how the event changed the community or world, why the event was important to you)

Thesis sentence:

The whole story is about me breaking my elbow it also impacted me because I have never broken a bone before until that day on

INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH

Hook: (This pulls the reader into the story. It can be one sentence or a couple of sentences. Use imagery (descriptive words, words that describe the senses) to create a vivid picture of what you are writing about.

Hook(CD):Have you ever broken a bone? This story will teach you to be careful where your driving because the only reason I fell was because I hit a tiny rock when I jumped

off my ramp

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your hook). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it: This accident made me feel that I was never gonna ride dirt bikes again because I was to scared that I was gonna fall again and brake something else. I got back on my feet and told myself that a tiny rock isnt gonna stop me from riding dirt bikes that's what I love.

Thesis sentence: This event was memorable because of the people involved, the actual accident, and how I healed.

Body Paragraph One:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

When I was riding my dirt bike I jumped off a ramp and hit a little rock and then broke my arm.

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

I was getting ready to ride dirt bikes with my cousins. (Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

I felt glad when I was riding I saw one of my jumps and I wanted to show my cousins that I was good at riding dirt bikes

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

When I was riding my dirt bike it felt just like an ordinary day of riding I never knew that In I was gonna get in a accident

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

When I crashed I blacked out for a second the bike landed on me and almost broke my neck but I was wearing my helmet and then when the bike landed on me I flipped over again and I landed on the bike and stopped. I felt like I was gonna die.

Body Paragraph Two:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

This paragraph is about how I jumped and hit a rock and broke my elbow.

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

When I broke my elbow I did not feel it because it happen so fast that I didn’t feel it.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

When I found out that I have broken it I thought about all the stuff I couldn’t do like swimming and most off all dirt bike riding.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

When I was inside off my house they told me to take of my shirt to see if I had any cuts or bruises and sure enough I did I had a big giant scrape on the side off my stomach it covered my whole right side of my stomach.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

When I saw that big scrape I didn’t even know what to say because I also didn’t feel that also and I thought when I was gonna take showers I thought it was gonna hurt.

Body Paragraph Three:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

When they saw all that stuff they took me straight to the hospital when we got there it was midnight .

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

When they called me They put a cast on me I picked red then they cleaned up my big scrape and I felt a lot better.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

I felt like I was in heaven Because I didn’t feel no more pain I was happy.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

When I got home I just thanked my parents for taking me and having money to pay for all the stuff.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

When I went through all the stuff of breaking my arm and getting a big scrape I thanked God for still keeping me alive.

CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH

Reword your Thesis sentence: This event was memorable because of the people who were involved,the actual accident,and how I healed.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your thesis). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

The people who were involved, they all helped me one of them carried me and the other one took my bike down to my garage. I thanked them for there help.

Concluding Sentence: (Leave the readers absolutely clear on what you wrote about. A last statement about the impact of the event would be effective.)

This will teach you to watch out were your jumping and make sure that there are no rocks in the way. This impacted me because I had never broken a bone and never had a bad accident before so am telling you this “ALWAYS WERE A HELMET WHEN YOUR RIDING SOMEHTING”

Autobiographical Event

Autobiographical Event

By: Delaney Chase

The noises and terror started. Fire trucks driving to places in terror, and my mom packing up boxes of valuable items, and I could see the fires from my house, and every night one of my parents stayed up and watched the news for updates. Pet carriers were being brought out. Fire truck alarms, and the news on constantly on TV. It smelled like smoke and ash. Cardboard boxes lined our hallway and not very clean air filled the air. People tasted unclean air, many people were breathing in. One of the most memorable days in my life was when the 2006 fires were in Alpine, getting closer and closer by the hour. This changed my family and people who had been hit by the fire. This also changed the community because people should be more aware and more careful in what they do. One regular day in the month in October, in the small town of alpine, breaking news alert came onto the news. There is a fire is in blossom valley, and it getting closer towards Alpine. Pretty much all of Alpine was worried and concerned about the fires getting closer and more dangerous. It mad me feel nervous and worried because I didn’t really know what to do if they came because this has never happened to me before. I thank the firefighter who saved many peoples lives. One of the most memorable days in my life was when the 2006 fires were in Alpine, getting closer by the hour. This changed my family, so that we could be more prepared.

The Alpine and blossom valley fires were devastating to many people, thankfully not me, but some people lost everything they had. I could see the fire from my house. It was a long way away but it could eventually reach my house. We weren’t really nervous because they were REALLY close but they could eventually reach my house. I could see the fire from my house and whenever I walked by my big glass door I would look and see it getting bigger. I smoke was in the air and the red orange and yellow fire blistering. This event made me feel sad because what if I lost everything we had and my family lost a lot too. This made me sad also thinking about this cause the little kids who had lost a lot and their families who had also lost a lot.

Just thinking that the fire was getting closer and closer every minute and the firefighters who were trying to keep it away from lots and lots of houses. I was getting sick of the TV reports and updates of the fire, if in any case we needed to leave. One of my best friends houses was close to the fire and if she had to evacuate her and her family would come to my house to be safer, but we were still worried. My thought of the fire was what happened if we could prevent this from happening? Or what could we do to stop it from destroying all the houses? Also what had caused the fire? The fire was a cedar fire. But it was human caused. Winds can also affect how fast or slow the fire moves from place to place. Thankfully the fire didnt reach my house, but we were still worried. We havent had a fire since 2006.

When the fires were finally out and we were very happy. From our glass door, were we could see the fires before, we could see the black, burned plants and trees that were burned in the fire. In the end my friend didn’t have to evacuate so she didn’t come over, which is good cause that means her house is ok. I feel grateful for the firefighters who saved lots of houses from the fire, also I am thankful that the fire didn’t reach my, or any of my family’s houses. People were very happy that the fire didn’t go any farther. From my house you can lots of hills, and mountains, and a lot of those hills were covered with the fires. You couldn’t see the pretty green grass, only the brown, burned plants on the hills. I remember when the announcement that the fire had been put out, came out. My family was very happy and relieved.

Something that my family and I will never forget is the 2006 fires that destroyed a lot. My family and I will know what do to next time. This whole fire has changed the way I think and feel about fires, and I will never forget this. They are dangerous and people need to be more aware about fires and what to be prepared for. The 2006 fire changed the way I look about fires and what impact they have on peoples lives. Also what they can change in people daily routine, or daily plan. I will never forget the 2006 cedar fire.

Kaden's Autobiographical

When I crashed on my

Little brothers bike

Kaden Klaser

10/24/11

autobiographical essay Jacques

it was my step brothers birthday and he just got this new bike and it maid me feel happy that my step brother got a new bike my thoughts on his new bike were awesome and cool. Then I wanted to try the bike so I told my cousin and my sister to go down the hill with me It made me feel cool that I got to try my step brothers bike. My thoughts on my step brothers bike is awesome cause I got to try the bike out.

We were lined up to race down the hill It made me feel scared getting ready to go down a steep hill on my step brothers little bike. My thoughts were good cause I was thinking this is going to be fun Then half way threw the race I crashed When I crashed it made me feel not so good cause it hurt really bad my thoughts on my crash were bad cause I looked in the mirror and saw my face all damaged up

Me getting up from the crash screaming and crying dident feel good then my cousin took me up to were every body was. it made me feel scared when I felt my face all messed up and my thoughts were oh no I might go to the hospital. then we finally reached the party and everyone was like what happened are you ok

and then on the car ride home I feel the blood dripping down my face on to my dads leather seats and he said don’t worry we are almost there so I was like hurry up it sting then we finely reached the house and my dad cleaned my face and put a lot of band aids then me and my dad got back to the party and everyone said good he’s ok

after all of that school came and my face was a little better and people and teachers were like gosh are you ok and I said yah im fine it hurts a little but ill be fine so then like a week later my face was all scabbed up and now its completely fine I learned that even if it sounds fun and like a good idea trying my brothers little bike was probably not the smartest idea.

Beilis Autobiographical Essay

Autobiographical Essay

Jacques

Name: Beili Ramos

Some of the memorable events in my life is when i saw poor people eating out of a trash can and my feelings were sad and felt very bad for the poor.

Have you ever did a commmutity for the poor?

At first when i saw poor people i felt like crying and it was a scray thought. When i heard we were going to do a commutity for the poor i was very happy and felt like a special person for doing something good in the world.

Some of the memorable events in my life is when i saw poor eating out of a trash can and my feelings were sad and felt very bad for the bad

When i arrived to Mexico, the first day.

Poor people were really hungry. It made my feel sad and bad for the poor people. I thought of a idea of making a commutity and glad that i have everything like my family and food.

My uncle and I were planing to make a commutity

When we decided we were going to make a commutity i felt helpful and that i was a special person for doing something in the world.

My paragraph is going to be about starting the commutity.

My uncle and I were goin to built the commutity. It was really fun builting the commutity and i was happy. I thought about how my uncle felt doing this

My uncle got stabed by a nail and got hit by a hammer

It made me feel good. I thought I was going to get hit by a hammer too.

The day comes when we give food to poor.

We were talking to poor people about their sad lifes.

At the same time it made me feel sad and good that i made their lifes better. I thought that Im glad Im thankful that i have a family and food.

After we talked to poor people my uncle and I were crying.

I was happy because i was changing lifes to make them better! I couldn’t think of anything exept for poor people thanking my uncle and I.

Some of the memorable events in my life was when i saw poor people eating out of a trash can and made me feel sad and bad for the poor people.

I felt so happy like never before. I thought that sometime in the future Ill get a reward.

I’ll never forget the time I helped the poor people.

Kylee's Incident

   Kylee Kor

!0-24-11

Jacques 1/2                                             

Autobiographical Essay

Jacques

Name: Kylee Kor

PREWRITING

My topic is: A Midnight Call to the Hospital

The sights of the event:

Arriving at the Santa Barbra hospital and walking in and walking by each room wondering which one was my uncle’s room.

The sounds of the event:

 First the alarming phone call in the middle of th night from one of my uncle’s friends.Overhearing nurses talking to patients and laughter and sorrow of other familes down the way, and in our room nothing but silence.

The smells of the event:

With unpleasant smells of the cafeteria down stairs, and chemicals from the cleaners on every floor.

The feelings (touching) of the event:

At the moment everything was blank to find out that my uncle got brutly beaten my a gang was intense with sorrow since Dustin my uncle was being rushed to the hospital, I didn’t know how to feel, and then it all came to me.

 

The tastes of the event:

As thanksgiving was around the corner, me and my family went down to the cafeteria and decided to eat dry thanksgiving dinner.

My three body paragraphs are about:

1.  The midnight call and the story and what happened

2.  Getting to hospital waiting until Dustin woke up and when family members arrived to see him.

3. Getting better and moving to different stages and moving to brain hopitals 

(Some examples: the days/moments leading up to the event, the actual event, the impact the event had on you as a person, how the event changed your family or friends, how the event changed the community or world, why the event was important to you)

Thesis sentence:

This tragic event involved a scary midnight call, going all the way to Santa Barbra hospital and helping my uncle get better.

INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH

Hook: (This pulls the reader into the story.  It can be one sentence or a couple of sentences.  Use imagery (descriptive words, words that describe the senses) to create a vivid picture of what you are writing about.

Hook(CD): It was the most normalest day of the month until the night, my dad and I got a important call that changed the night completly.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your hook).  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

As my heart was beating fast, I saw a worried look in my dad’s face as he listened to my uncle’s friend  telling him what had just happen.

After the call all I could think about was my uncle, was he okay, would he wake up from unconciousness, and wanted him to be same same when he woke up but I knew he wouldn’t.

Thesis sentence:

This tragic event involved a scary midnight call, going all the way to Santa Barbra hospital and helping my uncle get better.

Body Paragraph One:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

A alarming call woke me and my dad up it was a Santa Barbra area code, so as my dad answered it the person on the other line said Dustin had just been jumped by a gang, I knew it wasn’t going to be good.

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

The only thing that stuck in my head was the fact that with one more kick to the head he could of been dead.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail.  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

When the doctor called my dad and said he was going to be alright my dad headed toward Santa Barbra a left me with my mom who just got back from a primere for a movie.

As I sat in misery at home wanting to be their by his side I thought  well at least he is still alive.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

A week later my dad was still in Santa Barbra and it was the begining of November and on my school break me and my mom decided to go up there. When arrived Dustin woke up from unconciousness.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail.  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

When he woke up I ws so happy, joy filled my heart and I didn’t know how to feel.

I thought everything was going to be okay again all that needed to happen was for him and his brain to get better.

Body Paragraph Two:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

I really don’t think Dustin realized how many family members showed up because sometimes he was a sleep and other times awake but didn’t know what he was doing.

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

When Dustin actually got his head straight he really wanted out of there, the nurse said he walked to the elevator to get out.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail.  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

I kinda felt sorry for him because I know it wasn’t normal for him and he didn’t like it.

I thought once he gets out he will be normal and everything will be better.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

I knew it would take along time for his brain to heal before he could be the same.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail.  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

I also knew his brain his the hardest thing to heal and to gat better all we could do was help him.

After leaving the hospital everyday and coming back from where we stayed was difficult cause he didn’t want us to leave.

Body Paragraph Three:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

Then came around Thanksgiving, yep it was going to be hospital food. Yea...not

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

Eating cafeteria food wasn’t bad except for the fact the turkey was dry and the mash potatoes were salty it was alright.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail.  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

At least we were there for him and thats all that matters.

I knew if i was hurt like that he would be there for me.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

It was still the same he was going to physical therapy a sometimes I went with him.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail.  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

He didn’t know how to write or wash his hands or walk up steps he didn’t even know his birthday.

Every day we helped him remember his name, birthday, age and us his family. It was amazing how everything changed and he didnt remember us we were with him everyday.

CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH

Reword your Thesis sentence:

An miracle event with a tragic midnight call, while traveling all the way to Santa Barbra Hospital staying by my Uncle’s side and wait for him to get better.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your thesis).  How did it make you feel?  What are your thoughts on it?

Now that Dustin can actually think straight and be normal is a wonderful, and he can remember his family and accoplish more in life. But, most importantly to be careful.

Dustin is the best uncle, and knowing he can be brave and overcome a very heavy brain injury that could change a whole life like Dustin’s.

Concluding Sentence: (Leave the readers absolutely clear on what you wrote about.  A last statement about the impact of the event would be effective.)

 A year later he can still look back at the whole story and be proud of coming out of something like that, being almost beaten to death is one thing our whole entire Kor family will never forget.

Blake Jeffreys

10/24/11

Jacques 1/2

Fireworks, French toast, and Friends in Idaho

Have you ever gone to a new state to visit family, had a blast with fireworks, and along the way made some new friends. That’s exactly what I did on the fourth of July in Idaho a few years back. This event made me feel excited, nervous (around the fireworks), and it made me feel happy because I had family and newly found friends there. But it made me think when would I see my friends there again. The week I spent in Idaho playing with fireworks was one of the most memorable events in my life.

One day a few years ago my family took a fourth of July vacation, it was a week in Idaho to visit my Grammy and Papa. This event made me feel so excited because I hadn’t seen my Grammy and papa in one full year. But it made me think what would happen this trip in the state of awesome potatoes. We got on the plane, and sat there for 3 hours. It smelled funky because an old lady sat next to me and she smelled funny. The only thing I had to eat were those little packs of airplane peanuts, they tasted how normal peanuts do. The only thing I could hear was the dialogue of Star Wars I I I Revenge of The Sith. I felt very paranoid because there was a kid kicking me seat behind me. But that didn’t matter because I got used to it, leaned my seat back picked up a sky mall magazine and before I knew it I was in Cor De Lane, Idaho. We got the rental Hummer drove for an hour. Finally we made it to their house. Shortly after me my dad and my papa drove to the firework shack over by Albertsons. We spent some time looking but we bought an enough to last us that night and the next day, which was Independence Day. I got to pick one that I wanted; I picked a flaming army truck that made an ear-piercing screech once you lit the fuse. The plane ride was ok and it made me feel annoyed but I made it through. It made me think why did I get stuck by the annoying people, but it was a good trade if I sat with my dad I got use his DVD player.

After we got the fireworks we ate my Grammy’s spaghetti, and waited for the day to transform into night.

When the day turned to night we went into the backyard and my sister and I lit the sparklers, spinning eyeballs, and I had the honors of throwing the fog grenade.

It made me feel like I was a pro pyro technician. But I thought to my self what would be the danger if I dropped a sparkler????? After we finished off half on the cool stuff we went to bed. I slept down in the playroom on a couch that converts to a bed, while my sister she slept there to but she got an actual bed. That day made me feel like a pyro. I thought what’s going to happen tomorrow

I woke up in the morning and thought, today is the fourth of July and that means a butt load of fireworks today. I went up stairs and found my papa drinking coffee and sitting by their dog Goldie. Then ten minutes later I heard my sister get up and come to see my Papa and I. Later we went back to our room to watch TV, and play on the treadmill. This made me feel excited because today we would set off the big boomer fireworks, but I thought what might happen today before the fireworks.

A couple of hours later everybody got up and my Grammy made her French toast with her secret ingredient (The ingredient is love) and I was pigging out for an hour. Later on in the afternoon, we played croquet and set up a rope swing. With the rope swing we attached a sprinkler nose to a hose and swung though the squirting water. During that, the new neighbors asked us if we wanted to come over and play on their slip and slide. We accepted the invitation and in less than no time we were at their house. When we got in they introduced themselves, their names were Connor and Ashley. Then we did the same with ourselves. Then we played in the slip and slide. Later that day we created this fun game that we played for the rest of the trip. That night we invited them over to play with the fireworks. It was a fun night, and then after they left we got dressed warmly and went on the boat to see more fireworks.

This made me feel like I had just moved to a new state and made new friends. But yet I thought what fun would happen for the rest of the trip.

One of the most memorable times I spent in Idaho was the last time I went, we played with fireworks, and made new friends on the way, I will never forget that trip to the state of potatoes This trip made me feel happy how I made 2 new friends and I thought when will I ever go back to see them again. On the final day of our trip we went over the neighbors house and made some s’mores. I won’t forget the trip, the fireworks, or the friends in that time in Idaho.