Tiffany stammerjonh

10-24-11

Jaques1/2

Autobiographical Essay

Jacques

Name Tiffany Strammerjohn

PREWRITING

My topic is: surfing

The sights of the event:

Two things I saw while riding the surf board was people playing and building sand castles on the sand. Another thing I saw was when I looked over I saw Jayden surfing and looking like she was the happiest person on earth.

The sounds of the event:

As I was riding down the waves to the sand I heard sounds like big waves roaring down and crashing on the water. I also heard a whole group of seagulls talking to one another.

The smells of the event:

After the first time surfed down thee water, I went back out to the water and me and jayden just layed on our boards. As we layed there I smelt the salt water surrounding me and burgers frying at the resturant right next to us.

The feelings (touching) of the event:

Things that I felt as I layed on the board was the cool refreshing wetness of the water. Another thing I felt was the rubbery surf baord touching my stomach.

The tastes of the event:

After we got up and was ready for round two, I was tasting the saltiness of the salt in the air and the warm cooking burgers from the resturant.

My three body paragraphs are about:

1. Sitting in the silver strand water on the surf board waiting it to be my turn to surf.

2. After the first round, we stopped to relax on our boards, talking and listening to the things around us.

3. After the day ended, both of us wanting to go back and surf all day again.

(Some examples: the days/moments leading up to the event, the actual event, the impact the event had on you as a person, how the event changed your family or friends, how the event changed the community or world, why the event was important to you)

Thesis sentence:

Thee best day of summer started when I was sitting on my board waiting to surf down the waves, then I did and it was awesome, after my and jayden layd on our surf boards,floating in the water, once the day ended, all i wanted to do was go back the next and surf all day again.

INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH

Hook: (This pulls the reader into the story. It can be one sentence or a couple of sentences. Use imagery (descriptive words, words that describe the senses) to create a vivid picture of what you are writing about.

Hook:

It was finally the day me and Jayden get to learn to surf.We have been wanting to surf for the longest time and today was the day we get to. We were in the water lying on our boards knowing that we were going to have the funnest time ever.

(CD) (Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your hook). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

Thesis sentence:

The best day of summer started when I was sitting on my board waiting to surf down the waves, then I did and it was awesome, after my and jayden layed on our surf boards,floating in the water, once the day ended, all I wanted to do was go back the next day and surf all day again.

Body Paragraph One:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

As I arrive at Jaydens house,she was putting sunscreen on in her bathing suit. I could tell how excited she was by the tone of voice she said my name in, loud. I gave her a hug and then started talking about how happy we were to finally able to do what weve wanted to do all summer. Go surfing.

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

As she’s putting her shirt on after rubbing sunscreen all over, her mom comes out and gives us a big cooler filled with food, enough to last us our whole day.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

Once she gave us the cooler it seemed like it was official, we were already to go surfing. We looked through the cooler seeing what she had packed us, and as we did that, he pulled up.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

We zipped the cooler, grabbed it, and headed to the car. We got in the car and said our hello’s and stuff and then he started the, and we were off. We turned music on and he told us all about surfing, and we told our stories of when our parents went when they were little and shark stories we heard on the news. Finally we were on the Cornada bridge and we saw the water and got excited.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make

you feel? What are youre thoughts on it?

I kept my eyes on the blue swaying water. I couldnt wait too step foot in it. At last we arrived and it felt like my stomach dropped, I couldnt wait to go surf.

Body Paragraph Two:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

I strapped the leash to my foot and I was ready to go out and have and awesome time with jayden, learning how to surf.

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

We fianlly arrived at the beach and me and jayden were strapping the leash to our legs and watching the waves crash. We ran into the water going way out and waiting for tom to come out and help us out.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

We were so ready to go out to the blue water and surf our way back. Me and her knew we would really enjoy this and want to do this a lot.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

It was finally my turn, I was lying on my board looking at the shore. The wave was coming and I was getting more excited every inch the wave rolled by. Finally it lifted me up and I started running down the water. I started to stand up, lifting one foot at a time, then finally I was up and gliding down the water.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

It was the funnest thing I did all summer. I loved the feeling of the wind blowing my hair and my feet touching the wet,rubbery board.

Body Paragraph Three:

Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)

I had finally done it. I surfed along the beach all day and now we were ready to go home and rest waiting for the next day that we would surf.

Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)

We were happy and proud of ourselves.we had finally surfed, something that we have been waiting to do, and we finally did all day long.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

I was happy and reliefed I finally gone surfing because ive been waiting to, and I finally did. I couldnt wait to get home and tell my mom everything that happened that day.

Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)

It started to get dark. The sun was setting and we were packing up the things in the car. As I was carrying the cooler to the car I was thinking about this day and how fun it had been.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

As I was walking to the car talking to Jayden about how fun this day had been, we saw the most awesome sunset ever. It made the sky all orange and yellow and other bight colors. All I was thinking about then is how excited I was to tell my family how cool it was to surf.

CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH

Reword your Thesis sentence:

My best day of summer began right as I stepped foot in te water and went way out, jayden got to surf first and after her it was my turn, after I went back out to jayden, we talked about how fun it was and kept surfing down the water over and over again, until iut got dark and we had to end our very fun day.

(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your thesis). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?

After we surfed all day and all night and we were heading home, I was thinking how I liked it so much I would want to keep doing this every weekend.

Concluding Sentence: (Leave the readers absolutely clear on what you wrote about. A last statement about the impact of the event would be effective.)

I had a blast surfing all day but getting home was good to because I was tired and ready to take a shower and tell my mom the fun I had.