Kylee Kor
!0-24-11
Jacques 1/2
Autobiographical Essay
Jacques
Name: Kylee Kor
PREWRITING
My topic is: A Midnight Call to the Hospital
The sights of the event:
Arriving at the Santa Barbra hospital and walking in and walking by each room wondering which one was my uncle’s room.
The sounds of the event:
First the alarming phone call in the middle of th night from one of my uncle’s friends.Overhearing nurses talking to patients and laughter and sorrow of other familes down the way, and in our room nothing but silence.
The smells of the event:
With unpleasant smells of the cafeteria down stairs, and chemicals from the cleaners on every floor.
The feelings (touching) of the event:
At the moment everything was blank to find out that my uncle got brutly beaten my a gang was intense with sorrow since Dustin my uncle was being rushed to the hospital, I didn’t know how to feel, and then it all came to me.
The tastes of the event:
As thanksgiving was around the corner, me and my family went down to the cafeteria and decided to eat dry thanksgiving dinner.
My three body paragraphs are about:
1. The midnight call and the story and what happened
2. Getting to hospital waiting until Dustin woke up and when family members arrived to see him.
3. Getting better and moving to different stages and moving to brain hopitals
(Some examples: the days/moments leading up to the event, the actual event, the impact the event had on you as a person, how the event changed your family or friends, how the event changed the community or world, why the event was important to you)
Thesis sentence:
This tragic event involved a scary midnight call, going all the way to Santa Barbra hospital and helping my uncle get better.
INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH
Hook: (This pulls the reader into the story. It can be one sentence or a couple of sentences. Use imagery (descriptive words, words that describe the senses) to create a vivid picture of what you are writing about.
Hook(CD): It was the most normalest day of the month until the night, my dad and I got a important call that changed the night completly.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your hook). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
As my heart was beating fast, I saw a worried look in my dad’s face as he listened to my uncle’s friend telling him what had just happen.
After the call all I could think about was my uncle, was he okay, would he wake up from unconciousness, and wanted him to be same same when he woke up but I knew he wouldn’t.
Thesis sentence:
This tragic event involved a scary midnight call, going all the way to Santa Barbra hospital and helping my uncle get better.
Body Paragraph One:
Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)
A alarming call woke me and my dad up it was a Santa Barbra area code, so as my dad answered it the person on the other line said Dustin had just been jumped by a gang, I knew it wasn’t going to be good.
Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)
The only thing that stuck in my head was the fact that with one more kick to the head he could of been dead.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
When the doctor called my dad and said he was going to be alright my dad headed toward Santa Barbra a left me with my mom who just got back from a primere for a movie.
As I sat in misery at home wanting to be their by his side I thought well at least he is still alive.
Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)
A week later my dad was still in Santa Barbra and it was the begining of November and on my school break me and my mom decided to go up there. When arrived Dustin woke up from unconciousness.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
When he woke up I ws so happy, joy filled my heart and I didn’t know how to feel.
I thought everything was going to be okay again all that needed to happen was for him and his brain to get better.
Body Paragraph Two:
Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)
I really don’t think Dustin realized how many family members showed up because sometimes he was a sleep and other times awake but didn’t know what he was doing.
Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)
When Dustin actually got his head straight he really wanted out of there, the nurse said he walked to the elevator to get out.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
I kinda felt sorry for him because I know it wasn’t normal for him and he didn’t like it.
I thought once he gets out he will be normal and everything will be better.
Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)
I knew it would take along time for his brain to heal before he could be the same.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
I also knew his brain his the hardest thing to heal and to gat better all we could do was help him.
After leaving the hospital everyday and coming back from where we stayed was difficult cause he didn’t want us to leave.
Body Paragraph Three:
Topic Sentence (What is the paragraph about?)
Then came around Thanksgiving, yep it was going to be hospital food. Yea...not
Concrete Detail #1: (An actual event or fact)
Eating cafeteria food wasn’t bad except for the fact the turkey was dry and the mash potatoes were salty it was alright.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
At least we were there for him and thats all that matters.
I knew if i was hurt like that he would be there for me.
Concrete Detail #2: (An actual event or fact)
It was still the same he was going to physical therapy a sometimes I went with him.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail. How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
He didn’t know how to write or wash his hands or walk up steps he didn’t even know his birthday.
Every day we helped him remember his name, birthday, age and us his family. It was amazing how everything changed and he didnt remember us we were with him everyday.
CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH
Reword your Thesis sentence:
An miracle event with a tragic midnight call, while traveling all the way to Santa Barbra Hospital staying by my Uncle’s side and wait for him to get better.
(Com)mentary/(Com)mentary: Two sentences commenting the concrete detail (your thesis). How did it make you feel? What are your thoughts on it?
Now that Dustin can actually think straight and be normal is a wonderful, and he can remember his family and accoplish more in life. But, most importantly to be careful.
Dustin is the best uncle, and knowing he can be brave and overcome a very heavy brain injury that could change a whole life like Dustin’s.
Concluding Sentence: (Leave the readers absolutely clear on what you wrote about. A last statement about the impact of the event would be effective.)
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